Some time ago I realized that there were two different modes of my existence. These modes seemed to exist separately, did not overlap much, as far as I could tell. And it was becoming very inconvenient.
In one state I was very driven, motivated, efficient and productive. I set goals, understood time, and could devise plans, schedules and strategies to achieve said goal. I’ll call it the “execution mode”.
In another state I was really focused on feelings, on Being, on enjoying, noticing, and paying attention. The state of mindfulness, I guess. The perception of time is really different in this state. The schedule is not important. What Is important in this state is the essence of things, the value of contact and interaction.
And while I really enjoyed life in the state of mindfulness, it also seemed like I couldn’t get anything done. Because getting stuff done happens in the execution mode, in which spending too much time on dwelling and paying attention is really distracting. It disturbs the plans and messes up the schedule. But I normally have dinners to make, children to attend to, logistics to organize, business to build, work to get done… well, you get the picture. And yet, when I am in execution mode, it feels a lot like spinning the wheels. It feels like I am missing a lot of life, like quick action and busy work on the surface are not even scratching the deeper layers of my being. The very fast motion does not get traction. So I get tired, yet I do not get satisfaction from all this work.
It took some reflection, free-writing, some coaching tools and a session with my coach/psychologist to mend the gap. The mending was possible first, because I was convinced that it was indeed possible for these modes to overlap. I generally believe that dreams and desires do not just happen. They happen because the time has come for them to become possible, and all that’s left is to figure out the “How”.
So this is what I understood about the How. It became apparent that for the goals to get traction, they Really need to come from my core values. If I am doing some busy unimportant work, I perform these activities with my body and some mind, but they do not involve my emotions, feelings or values.
On the other hand, when my deeper self is revealed, my talents are manifested, my values are honored, my needs are fulfilled through the work I am doing, then this work holds profound meaning and provides a lot of satisfaction to my inner self.
Then the work becomes a two-way street. I am doing the work and producing the result, but also the work is transforming me, because the actions are rooted in my deeper levels of being. The levels of Actions and Being are no longer disconnected. They are now tied to each other. So when I work on goals and projects that are dictated by my inner values, desires and true needs, my external actions involve, employ and transform my inner core. This purposeful work produces meaningful process and results, which makes me satisfied from the work I am doing.
It took some time for this insight from the session to “grow in”. For me to really adjust to the fusion of these two modes of existence. It seems like a new level, feels like a new way to work and to be. Work is no longer about a momentary pleasure of checking off a completed result off my to-do list. In this state, writing the book, however imperfect, gives me satisfaction, because my Self is revealed through the process of writing. Coaching in the more whole, more complete state produces a very different, much deeper outcome for my clients, because the deeper levels of me are present and available to reflect their reality. Interactions and results become as deep and as meaningful as clients are willing to take them.
With this fusion of “execution” and “mindfulness” modes, the perception of time is acquiring new dimensions. It seems like the actions are becoming denser, heavier. And even though they may seem slower, their impact is multiplied. The awareness in conversations increases noticeably. Interactions become more powerful and have the potential of serving deeper. The prayer becomes more dense, more conscious. It all involves more effort now, but the reward… every step feels different, every action fills the satisfaction container that could not be filled with the shallow busy actions.
It is extremely satisfying and fulfilling to serve in this more wholesome state. Solemn as it sounds, it does feel more like the conversation of souls. I have a sense that it’s going to grow deeper and become more prominent. So if you have something important that you need to reconcile, a question to answer, a decision to make and would benefit from support and deep meaningful conversation, I have 2 longer-term coaching spots open till the end of this year. You don’t have to decide right away. Please take an opportunity to meet me for a discovery call – a complimentary conversation, where we solve your burning question, explore a pressing issue and you get a taste of the coaching process.
As I now move towards more flexible fees and scheduling arrangements, if you decide to continue, we will design the package that will be just right for you. It will not be cheap, value can’t be cheap, but it will be tailored to your unique situation, your process and your desired outcome. My intention is for you to find satisfaction, meaning and purpose in the work. It involves value, respect and fulfillment. Reach out if you could use some support in digging deeper. When you are ready.
Meanwhile, I’ll continue writing about transformations of the Good Girl into a Real Self and keep notes on the effects of deeper work.
Have the best autumn!
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